Thursday, December 20, 2007

Christmas Program...

In case you didn't notice we are Catholic... While we normally aren't "in your face religious people" the situation with Autumn Rose sure has me feeling like our religious beliefs have been vigorously expressed lately...

Well, tonight was the annual Christmas Program for the school that the dynamic duo attend and Dawn teaches at. Before I tell you how it went, I have to say that if you haven't investigated religious education options for your children then you should really take a step back, re-evaluate your life goals and ask yourself why that isn't important to you. There really is nothing better than watching children expressing the wonderful story of Christmas! Sorry for the rant... Austin did great with all the little pre-schoolers, and didn't sing "We wish you a happy poopy". Yes, he has a potty mouth, and we are working on it, so we were a little apprehensive of how he would do. Luckily, he put on his shyness, and stood there like the little man with his vest and tie. Tommy (the golden boy) was Shepherd #1, and that part consisted of 6 lines of interactive dialog. He did excellent! I was so proud, because you could hear him, and he spoke with inflection and emotion. Man he did great!

The program was dedicated to Dawn... They had stopped doing the Christmas Program before she started teaching there, so she started it up again, and she always does quite a bit of work on it every year. It was nice to have her sit with me as a Mommy instead of running around making it all come together. Of course she had a gazillion hugs (and she deserves every one of them)... I think it was good for her to see her students, and for them to see her. It is all part of the healing process...

So, you are probably learning that I am sappy :) I sat there watching the older girls doing the dance that Dawn created in our living room (she always busts out her youthful dancing abilities to create the choreography), and I couldn't help but well-up with sadness. Autumn won't be up there someday doing the corny dance that her mom had created. Then my eyes drifted down and I saw my blond-haired miracle (Austin - long story) sitting there with pretzel legs (indian style must not be PC anymore) and thanked God for all the blessings in my life. The range of emotions is so crazy.

We scheduled a small grave-side service for Autumn Rose tomorrow at 10:30 AM. We got her a pretty pink casket, and she is going to be placed at the foot of Dawn's cemetery plot. We ordered 2 white roses representing the boys, and 10 pink ones for her. So, you might think we are "over-doing" it, and I want to share my thoughts on that... It is a big decision to have a child, and especially after what we went through with Austin (still a long story, but know that it is a blessing that he is here with us). We had all those apprehensions about going through that situation again, can we afford another child, do we have enough time, can we love them enough etc... So, when we decided it wasn't just "hey what the heck" it was a commitment to work through all those issues. The level of that commitment didn't end when we were told she was sick, or even when her heart stopped. That level of commitment means doing whatever it takes to be and do the best for your children. So, tomorrow morning we will stand there with our parents and mourn the loss of that beautiful baby that we committed so much to. She is real because we saw her, we held her, we watched her heart beat several times on the ultrasounds, Dawn felt her kicks, we mourned her, and in the morning we will lay her to rest...

1 comment:

Prairie Dawn said...

Oh Joe, I don't know what to say. I know that even if I had known the outcome ahead of time, I wouldn't have changed a thing. As good old Garth would say, "our lives are better left to chance." We'd change so much if we could, the mystery is what makes life fun. It was so scary to try again, but so great for those 5 weeks when we thought everything was perfect. It was worth it.

Love you always, we'll get through this. Piece of cake, piece of crumb cake. ;)